Death

2 days prior to this I had suddenly come down with a raging fever, headache and a bad stomach. I assumed (on intuition) this was food poisoning at the time so I lay down in bed to sleep it off, when I awoke a few hours later I was delirious, confused and the fever was still there, this wasn’t food poisoning but I could not think rationally and nothing seemed to compute. I had no Idea what was going on or why it was happening, again I lay down and tried to sleep it off later that night I awoke with painful stomach cramps but the delirium had gone I was extremely hot but not sweating I knew straight away that I had gone through heat stroke, after cooling off the symptoms started to die down a little but the stomach pains were still there. For the next few hours I contemplated phoning for an ambulance but something inside me (intuition again) said it wasn’t necessary so I didn’t. Today I had still not 100% recovered, the stomach pains were still there. I had just gone through heat stroke and spent several hours under a thick blanket with no way to sweat and cool off, the potential for organ damage is high at this point especially considering the stomach pains. Over the next few hours I carefully monitored my condition, eating brought no pain nor did going to the toilet but there was always the possibility in my mind that the heat had damaged my stomach which could lead to death.

26/06/2010 around midnight approx
....I’m back in my bed once again; the vibrations are still raging, still rough and uncomfortable. I’m visualising (and feeling) falling from high orbit in hopes that this will trigger a separation, it doesn’t work. All of a sudden I can feel and taste vomit in my mouth I remember clearly what my thoughts were.

“What the... ok I’m laying on my stomach that must have caused it, swallow it back...continue onwards”
More vomit comes up as my physical body starts convulse;

“Shit! Damn it! I knew that heat stroke could have caused organ damage, the stomach pain was there I should have phoned for a damn ambulance!” (At this point I had floated free and was looking down at my physical body)
“Maybe I can still save myself, I don’t want to go yet!”
I struggle back into the physical and try to shout for help but it’s no use my body is in shock and there is vomit in my lungs. The pain is immense, a burning in every muscle, every nerve feels like it’s on fire and a massively high pitched squeal in my head drowns out all noise of me struggling and my feeble attempts to call for help, I am pulled back out and I find myself being dragged away by 2 others, my physical body starts to fade into the black I start kicking and screaming
“NO DAMN IT! I have to try; I’m not giving up without a fight, if I go now I’ll be letting everyone down, use the return to the physical signal they can’t hold me if I use that... move the fingers...return...RETURN!”

Now I am back in the physical (the real one) my mouth is a little dry there’s a little drool on the bed sheet from laying on my stomach with my mouth wide open but otherwise everything is normal and no vomit. I sit up, turn on the light and do a quick reality check. It felt so real I was convinced I was dying/dead, but I’m OK, physically and mentally it seems I was ready to experience this I’m not rocking back and forth saying to myself “I’m dead” over and over so that’s a good sign at least. I was surprised at my reaction, I’m not sure why but I thought I would be a little more accepting of death, it’s never really been an issue of fear for me (at least I thought it wasn’t). A message comes “this is a fear, it must be eliminated” Now I understand, it was a simulation no wonder it felt so real even the out of body sensations were replicated to perfection, I sit back in my bed take a big gulp of water and absorb what’s just happened. I’m still quite shaken by the whole experience, what a horrible way to die the pain alone was tremendous. Now I have my notepad and am recording my thoughts so I don’t forget anything vital, although I don’t think I could if I tried.

Is death my fear, or is it the fear of a painful death? Wait now I’m just sugar-coating, both have the same outcome, the least I can do after that is admit that I certainly did not want to die. Looking back through the journal I asked in one patterning exercise for someone to show me any fears I may not be aware of and anything that could block my progress in the future. ‘Be careful what you wish for’ is a true phrase indeed.
So this is the big one, the death fear and I’ve chosen to face it head on, it’s the only way, I need to accept that if it happens it happens and there is no going back only moving forward. Irrational anger, panic and physical attachments are just going to weigh me down I don’t need the excess baggage it’s just going to waste energy. Yes my higher-self is right, this needs to be eliminated. Now that I have experienced the worst case scenario getting rid of this big ass fear should be that little bit easier and I’m ready, more ready than I thought I’d be, my higher-self knows me better than conscious-I. I sit there and start editing the scenario replacing irrational thoughts and actions with calm acceptance another message comes “When you can react in this way, in the same situation and with no memory of what you have experienced tonight you will know you have conquered this fear” A surge of energy and love rushes from the bottom of my spine right to the top of my head. Maybe one day when I’m ready I will be able to repeat the simulation and experience the change.

There is one more thing. These days I use intuition as much as I possibly can. It’s never failed me and every time I have defied it, intuition was always the one with the right answer. But this time it was wrong or at least it deliberately fed me false information, if my intuition told me that day “its heat stroke” I would have immediately treated it and there would have been no worries about potential organ damage and death. If I had experienced the simulation then, I may have reacted a lot worse. Instead, it seems the powers that guide me decided I should be brought to a point where a genuine worry of death could be generated regardless of intuition or any other outside influence then when worry was at its peak and my guard was down they threw that little simulation into the mix. I guess ituition can be wrong but for the right reasons. Should I be angry? If were less trustworthy I would say “How dare they manipulate my trust, they could have killed me!” But I’m not angry I understand the reasons and essentialy it was my choice, I asked to experience this besides my trust is obviously well placed, I'm still here and have learnt a very valuble lesson. With that I send my love and my thanks for what I have experienced tonight. Incedently I've just noticed that I have no stomach pain anymore, great timing.